do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
