U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
