you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
