I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize