Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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