I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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