Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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