Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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