spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
