ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
