ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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