This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
