hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
