sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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