i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
