3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
