The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
