I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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