I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
