I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
