the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
