Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
