i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
