Soap is not a condiment
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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