you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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