Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
