Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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