OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
