Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
