Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
