so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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