...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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