he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
