Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
