What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
