my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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