She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize