my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
