I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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