It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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