I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
