Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
