It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
