i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
