whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize