I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
