apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
