..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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