saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
