i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
