Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize