I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
