Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My cat gives me a boner
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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