ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
