Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
