No stitches, just platelets and will power
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize