I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
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