So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
