Banned from zoo.
Again?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need to calm my uterus...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
