it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
