Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Still dying that you shit outside
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
