dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
